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Top Ten Remarks
You DON'T Want to Hear
from Your Priest While
You're in the Confessional
created by David Biagini, a Roman Catholic and frequent sinner (but you need not be Catholic to appreciate this)
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#10) "I'm afraid I dozed off. Would you repeat your last 150 sins?"
#9) "There's more? Wait a minute, are you taping this for America's Funniest Videos?"
#8) "Hold on. That sin isn't even in the manual."
#7) "You realize your body is supposed to be a temple of God, don't you?"
#6) "I knew I should have put that 'CLOSED' sign on the door earlier."
#5) "I have a confession to make to YOU. I don't think I want to be a priest anymore."
#4) "With all your sins, did you ever consider joining another religion?"
#3) "Can we take a break? I need a stiff drink real bad."
#2) "As soon as you finish, I'm going to burn down this confessional."
#1) "For your penance, say 1,800 Hail Mary's."
Source: List to be included in David Biagini's yet unpublished manuscript, "Who Made These Rules? The Musings of a Middle-Aged Misfit" (2005)
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Miscellaneous Anecdotes to help you cope with the Business World
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compiled by David Biagini,
President of FirsTEAManagement,
the management firm of the
McGinley Square Partnership
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A LITTLE LEVITY: TRUE KATRINA STORIES
KNOWING HER LINES
Soon after Hurricane Katrina, I called Delta Airlines to determine whether a flight that was to depart in seven days from the Gulfport-Biloxi Airport was still scheduled, since the airport had to have suffered severe damage. The customer service rep could only tell me that her computer screen showed no flights from Gulfport were departing that particular day.
"You can't tell me if there will be flights next week or in two weeks or whenever?" I asked.
"No, my screen doesn't bring up future flights," she said.
"Can you even tell me if the airport is still there? Maybe we should start with that," I suggested.
"No, I have no information," she said, citing her computer screen again.
"Well, thanks for nothing," I replied in frustration. "I'll just have to drive out there and see if the airport even exists."
Still obviously staring at her screen, the rep added cheerfully, "Thank you for calling Delta. Would you like me to book you a hotel room or rental car for your trip?"
SOURCE: September 1, 2005 telephone conversation between David Biagini and Delta Airlines, three days after Hurricane Katrina hit Gulfport, MS
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CAVEAT EMPTOR?
Eagle Point used to be a fashionable neighborhood on a back bay of Biloxi, MS, until August 29, 2005 when Hurricane Katrina demolished it. Beautiful brick houses, boats, houses on eight-foot pilings, cars...all now lay among horrible heaps of twisted metal and splintered trees. But Mississippians have kept their sense of humor through the tragedy. A handmade sign in front of one house, which was reduced to a foundation and a roof, reads "House For Sale. Half Off - Literally."
SOURCE: Personal tour of Eagle Point on September 25, 2005
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ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD AGAIN
New Orleans is back. After a month of national publicity on the plight of the helpless flood victims and millions of dollars of relief aid, the Big Easy vowed to quickly get back to normal. And, apparently, it has. News reports cite a barker outside Big Daddy's on Bourbon Street already urging passersby to take a look inside at nude dancers, and the owner of the Bourbon Street Strip-Tease store says his adult clothing and toy store has been busy since it reopened. Most frequent customers? Relief workers and the military.
SOURCE: Sun-Herald (Oct. 2, 2005) |
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HOW TO TALK SOUTHERNToday's Phrase from Jeff Foxworthy:
"Initiate"
Translation: "...and then she ate"
Example: "My wife ate a salad, initiate her steak."
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© Copyright 2004 FirsTEAManagement. All Rights Reserved.
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For more information:
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